"how's your day going so far darlin'?"
"wishing we played hooky again"
"me too, actually. i want to be sitting under that tree we passed yesterday. but just think tomorrow's the weekend already and i can come say hi when i get out of work to help you pass the time."
"i know :-) i'm real excited. i get butterflies in my stomach before i see you every day."
"<3 i love you so much. you just completely melted my heart."
so my grandparents know about us getting married now. we went and applied for the marriage license yesterday evening and derik and nicole went and applied for theirs today. we're having a double wedding may 17th, next sunday down in wales, massachusetts. now that everything is actually in the process of happening my anxieties have been set to ease and i am just focused on the future and being happy. derik and nicole having a joint ceremony is far too exciting for all of us, mostly nicole and i, being that we are much more open with our emotions. we will share the same last name as our men. i also become an aunt to little tyler and i get a new sister, as well as three brothers, casey, corey and derik.
my whole family knows, with exception to few aunts and uncles and my mother. i told jeffrey, kim and steph first and after my grand parents found out yesterday i didn't see why i shouldn't tell cassie and the rest of the family and friends and such. i now will have a place to be on holidays and parties and it just all seems to fit, even though i am young and our love is as well. we'll make it, we'll go far, and honestly i am not phased by my friends who do not seem to agree with my decisions. i'm really happy shank and i are still friends even though our lives have changed so much since high school. her having a baby and me finding a husband. we're just really happy for one another because we know our lives really make us happy and i guess that is what's really important.
And I will keep at it because anyone who I can call in the middle of the night to meet me at Barnes and Noble to get coffee and sit on the floor with me and read is someone worth trying for. We are not in love or anything yet, that word hasn't been said. But he is for me and I hope that he doesn't give up on me.
Wherever love is, I want to be, I will follow it as surely as the land-locked salmon finds the sea.
right now i almost feel like i was punched in the stomach. i wish nichelle, alli or amanda were around.
i need to teach myself how to become emotionally detached again.
I imagine the feelings of two people meeting again after many years. In the past they spent some time together, and therefore they think they are linked by the same experience, the same recollections. The same recollections? That's where the misunderstanding starts: they don’t have the same recollections; each of them retains two or three small scenes from the past, but each has his own; their recollections are not similar; they don't intersect; and even in terms of quantity they are not comparable: one person remembers the other more than he is remembered; first because memory capacity varies among individuals, but also (this is more painful to admit) because they don't hold the same importance for each other.
- Milan Kundera, Ignorance
Remember that time you and I sat on the small bridge with our feet swirling the water in the lake that chilly autumn night. The stars were so bright on your face, it was beyond beautiful in that dim light. We held each other close, we kissed ever so lightly and just as I thought the night could not get better we saw a shooting star. It was one of those moments I'll remember for the rest of my life.
He has a new girlfriend and she's beautiful.
I called a dear friend looking for some form of comfort, "But, Kate, my god you are beautiful, can't you see. That guy doesn't know what he missed out on," said in the sincerest of voices. "How come I didn't get the guy then. Why is it when I finally let myself like someone and let my walls down that I am completely broken? I could have handled anything from anyone else, this.. I just feel like I'm so much less now. I gave him a piece of my heart and now it's just a hollow hole. I feel like there's no possible way I can measure up." Silence on the other end; just static in my ears now.
This is me cutting you out of my life, for real this time.
One thing first. Sam Johnson now knows all my secrets, I think I might take him for granted sometimes.. I really hope I don't.
The first night of the Fair was today.. but to school.. Damek has switched lunches so this whole scheme to get him and Nichelle friends shall be a bit harder.. because I can get him and I good friends but that is not the main focus of the goal, alright people.
Fair.. I met a cool kid named Mike. He's older, like 18 and he's my friend Ashley's best friend. He's in a band the name is something to do with a Hammer and he plays bass. He seems rather cool he's really forward with everything doesn't keep much in. He's a daddy.. he's really young to be a dad.
Um yes well the night was well. Nichelle got asked for her number and yes it made her forever. I rode every ride and saw a lot of people that I haven't seen since last year.. one person I wanted to see I didn't I looked for them and I didn't see them what ever I shall catch them another night or something perhaps.
Danced in the rain, and they played Norma Jean on one of the rides which is awesome. The more the rides are unsafe the more fun they are.
So yes I am wicked excited for tomorrow because it's another day at the Fair with Nichelle and Manda maybe tomorrow.. and then wambamboom like finally get to hangout with Timmy because he's awesome and well I think the day will definitely be grand. I can't wait for tomorrow
Wait edit I guess.. tonight was a lot of fun until like 10 minutes ago. Way to go, you always are the best at killing my nights.. I just don't know if this is worth losing sleep over.
Today was okay, woke up.. got ready and took a trip over to the Tech.. I never realized how much I took that place for granted* until today. To walk down that hallway, gave me chills from some of the things that happened.
I'm done there though, they handed me my records and I'm completely out of their computer system. I am officially enrolled in no schools. Turners is where I go Monday.
I went to Mandas today, I love her newphs. Nathan and Austin are too cute.
Went to Youthgroup, and spent the night playing with Sams phone, well most of the night. The other half I went and hungout with Ry, we went to pick DVD's out and he told me his new living arrangements. I'm excited for him.
There's practice tomorrow I guess.. but Ryan seems to think he's going to the Piranha show. He told me he'd see me there and such, yet Aidan told me Jack wasn't going and Dave says they have practice.
I'll see the good ole' crew Saturday anyways. I miss them all so much, I hope Sam goes I haven't seen her in a long time.
Um.. tomorrow will be some sort of picnic, Sam's picking me up around 12 to go to Nichelles I think.. then home I come to get ready then I am going to the show with Alli. What comes next is unwritten.
I hope tomorrow's better than today ended.. too much fighting with people for stipid reasons. damn me and my questions about love/lust. Hah, wow.
I miss.. or well not really because I am happy now. But things use to be so easy last September, hah, wow. A lot has changed in such a little time it seems, it doesn't feel like it's been a whole year. Pooph.
Sorry, my last entry was irrelevant. Disguard anything it had said.
Went to the Energy Park show tonight. I had fun, and I like everyone that was there, and I wouldn't have a problem doing it again sometime.
Manda and I went and hungout with Matt and Jack. We walked around for a little then we went to American Music and Manda and I played the electric piano while Jack talked to the people that worked there and Matt played a guitar.. I think.
From there we went to get something to eat and on the way there I ran into Damien Vieu, the kid actually reconized me this time. He lost a lot of weight. Um Manda and I got Subway and the boys got something to eat at Antonios. After that we went down to Energy Park to watch H2H and we ran into Jake and Streeter (who I now call Skeeter).
I like everyone that was there and I'm sorry I didn't know people who were going to be there were going to clash. I talked to Matt actually a real conversation more then a few words here and there and I like the kid he's different than I thought he was. I like Jake I always have he's one of the people I am more fond of, he's great :).
I miss being close friends with the guys from H2H. I guess it's partly my fault from falling away from them a lot but it's not like all of them take the effort into being around me. I want to hangout with them all soon if they don't mind. I miss talking to Brian him and I use to talk a lot online, and I miss Eric a lot. I don't think he's fond of em anymore but I deathly miss him and love the kid. He'll always be one of my close friends.
Um I didn't think anything of it. They were all joking I didn't think to take any of what anyone said serious because they always pick on me because I am short, I don't take any harm to it because I like the attention.
Whatever was said in the car was a lie. Either end it was a lie and I'm not getting involved. I think it's stupid that anything was said period but what ever was said should have stayed in the car instead of coming home and boom like coming all out like that.
Tomorrow I have no plans anymore. What ever I'm not going to think anything of it right now. I think Manda and I might go shopping but I don't know, nothing's set in stones.
I had a fun night and I am not getting into what ever is happening, people should just not lie. It hasn't effected how I feel about anyone because it's none of my business what happened I still adore everyone.
I'm glad I got to see Jack tonight, one of the last times probably before he leaves. :) <3
Went to Youth Group tonight we went to PineBrook Camp. Oh wow I had a good time, I think I want to go to camp next summer because it's so fun there.
I knew a lot of people there, some I didn't think I'd ever see again which is really cool. I saw Paul Fisher, finally met the kids twin brother, William. They are Pauliam together. I saw Tommie Kendrick, when he saw me he looked like he saw a ghost he just stood there for a long time and then gave me a really tight hug, then did the on his tiptoes thing which he does because he knows I am clearly not that tall. I didn't think I was ever going to see him again, it was nice. I don't like his cousin. I saw Kyle there, which is cool I haven't seen him since the fireworks. I want his shirt because it says "Radcliff" on the back and that is apparently not my name. He says I can have it and he's bringing it over to my house Saturday. Then he wants to drop kick my tree.. hmm.
I got hit in the face with Dani's arm. I thought I was going to have a bloody nose because it was getting swollen and one of my eyes was crying. I couldn't see out of it. Damn that kid is a little punk. But I haven't talked to him since Elementary school so it was worth it I suppose.
Tomorrow's plans are all weirded. I am going to get my ass enrolled in school, then I'm supposed to be hanging out with Jack, those are my only confirmed plans.
Good I want to see him because I miss him crazy.
Oh yeah.. I love how people seem to make me feel like a tramp then lie to me about it. Honestly I wish I would have taken everyones advice. God I am a fucking loser.