Tags: passion



And I will keep at it because anyone who I can call in the middle of the night to meet me at Barnes and Noble to get coffee and sit on the floor with me and read is someone worth trying for. We are not in love or anything yet, that word hasn't been said. But he is for me and I hope that he doesn't give up on me.

Wherever love is, I want to be, I will follow it as surely as the land-locked salmon finds the sea.


It's about the bottom and the breaking.
It's about only winning when there's so much being lost.
It's about reaching the brink when you know that you're empty.

It's a swirl of colors only where color lacks and it's about love pouring from every pore in your body but not having enough for yourself. It's about desperation and enlightenment. It's about being scared and fearless at the same exact time. And it's not easy, no, because then everyone would do it. It's about self and nothing else. It's about being complete.

Because after all, it is better to destroy than to create what is meaningless.


Before you read this, understand this is my journal and these are my opinions. Everything is always subject to change, as I am learning more every day. The more I know the more I can understand, the more I understand the more my views and opinions are subject to change. Also, brace yourself if you are easily offended, because I am not trying to offend anyone or hurt any feelings..

I understand that McCain would be a horrible president, only leading our country closer and closer to where the Bush family has spent years trying to push us. And I get that, really, I do, and Sarah Palin as the Pres. after McCain doesn't make it through the first term. I wouldn't know how to even react to such a thing happening.

And Obama? You think Obama is the change? I understand that he is the lesser of the two evils and I would really like him to run the country over McCain, which I believe he will come next month. However I believe that the only change Obama is going to give you is spare change, and you're going to be on the street asking for it. I don't think half the people voting for Obama know that THE SAME people who sponsor McCain have send thousands of dollars sponsoring Obama as well. Why do you think that he, too, supports the bail out(s)? Because these same people paid for his campaign. And maybe, maybe our national debt will be reduced while he is in office, but as long as we have a president who supports the Federal Reserve there will be a growing debt because the money is being created out of thin air. Thin fucking air. There is no money to pay our debt because it does not exist, we are just defacing the value of the American dollar. (Of course, that means we are only getting closer to the introduction of the Amero. Which is exactly what they want.)

This one world government these people are leading us to is something I fear for our country, our rights, as everything is slowly being taken away from us. I wish I would have been as aware two years ago as I am right now of everything, and yet, I understand there is so much more that I am completely ignorant to and probably will always be because of how corrupt our government is.

I am angry. I am outraged. Especially at those around me who claim to know yet who can't even carry a conversation about it without getting angry at the things I say and walk away. I'm sorry you don't hear what you want when you speak to me about these issues I feel so passionate about. But, see, I have a right to free speech and so do you, use it. Say the things you feel and don't be afraid to be wrong, because there is so much you will never know, myself included.

Seek the knowledge of truth. I don't care if after you hear it you choose to turn your heads in disbelief but I don't think that if you really knew that you would be able to do that. I'm just tired of everyone living so freely in the dark about things that will effect them. The time for change is now, the time to become aware is now. Do the things you believe in, don't settle for less. Challenge everything, every fucking thing. But when you challenge these things, demand the truth because you have the right to truth. Go against the grain. Be the change you want to see in the world, damnit.

These people control what you see on tv and read in your news papers. Obviously they're going to show you what they want you to believe, they're going to show you thinks to manipulate how you feel and cause the reaction they need. Don't be so unwilling to accept that these people you look up to also have blood on their hands.

I don't mean to be offensive. I just want people to open their eyes.
I am not telling you what to believe.


michael and i ended, for real, anything we had.
i've tried to write an entry about it for the last 16 hours and every time i erase what i wrote and close the window.
my confusion spelt out for him what i had been avoiding thinking about.
though we have this crazy connection and we're attracted to one another in a very once and a life time way,
i cannot be what he wants and he is not the one for me.
we do not complete one another. it's close but that doesn't count.
there is no use making excuses or drawing  this out longer than it needs to be.
it is over, for unavoidable reasons and it's true.
simple and truth and still really beautiful.

"rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth."
as christopher mccandless expanded the original quote.

no tax in massachusetts weekend is here.
i bought some new stationary.
japanese art from the early twentieth century, they're beautiful cards.
and i also bought david copperfield by charles dickens, finally.



I spent most of the evening last night watching movies. The first being, Beautiful Girls (1996), one of the best movies I've seen in a while. The Illusionist with Edward Norton and Jessica Biel. A lot better than I thought it would be and then I watched some old favorites like, Ten Things I Hate About You and 40 Days and 40 Nights.

Willie Conway: I just want something beautiful.
Michael 'Mo' Morris: Shit, Willy, we all want something beautiful...

Jan: Only when faced with losing me do you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with me.
Paul: So, what's wrong with that? I didn't like the alternative. I mean that's how one usually comes to a decision anyway, right?
Jan: Wrong again, Paul - one comes to a decision based on what one wants, not based on what one doesn't want. Got it?