Tags: mcgrath



I should be getting my package in the mail from Jaime on Wednesday, which is coincidentally the last day we really get to talk to one another. He gets to make three phone calls during basic, so I'll probably get to talk to him three times in the 7-9 weeks during basic. From what I've gathered he's sending me a stuffed bear that smells like him so I wont feel as lonely when I have to sleep by myself for the next nine months.

Everything will be okay. I have started browsing Craigslist for jobs to fill up my free time so I can keep myself busy. I am spent for cash due to taking two weeks off from work, I have enough money for gas and that seems to be it and I do not get paid next until July 3rd where I have over half my paycheck due in bills, haha.

I am alone, I have spent my entire evening after getting out of work home, mostly in my room. This is so strange to me. I feel out of place, this doesn't even really feel like home anymore. All of my belongings are here and all that...but home is where the heart is. My heart is on the other side of the country currently.


I don't really desire to eat right now. But I am ill with a sinus cold and it is terribly uncomfortable. I am craving Cheddar Broccoli soup from Panera or sushi and coffee. Blah. I dislike saving money because it does not allow me to spend as much as I would like to.

I want to go home because I am sick. I can't concentrate, but I would rather sit here and space out and be paid.

He calls me, calls me; he calls. I don't understand, we are always there.
Tell me something I don't know..."


I'm working right now and I should be entering information for Harvard Business School...but I am anxious and I can't concentrate and I have a lot of thoughts I would like to address at the moment. It is snowing like crazy out, but this was expected.

I went to see Nick last night, I brought him red roses. I always bring him white flowers but today would have been his twenty first birthday and my heart is swelling with love and I want to give it to him. The cemetery wasn't plowed so I had to drive through the neighbor's drive way. I walked through maybe a foot and a half of snow in my van slip-ons and jeans to get there. I hurt my ankle so it hurts to walk today, but I'm okay. I wish I could have sat with him but it was cold and there weren't any other human tracks just deers and rabbits and I think it was okay that I didn't stay. My feet were soaking wet anyways and I did write him a card and leave the flowers and tell him a few things. Being without him is still difficult, but it's different now.

I am happy. Overall I am happy. I forgot what this was like and it's different and hard to get use to. Maybe hard to get use to isn't what I am intending to say, but I'm not sure how else to describe it at the moment. Right now I am just in one of those moods where I want to do more, be more, be better. It's weird because I usually only feel like this when I am at a low point in my depression. Usually I feel like this when I can feel nothing and I feel as though I need to share the little pieces of myself with people so they can feel when I can't. But I feel very much these days.


I'm a likable person, pretty much. Really out going and friendly and you know sometimes I'm funny. I'm good at that, a people person. It helps that all the people I work with for the most part like me more because it is the difference between getting your hours cut and being laid off when the season gets really slow.

I have decided I want Leonard to meet my friends...but I am a little cautious because of the types of personalities my friends (aside from Nichelle) have and the type of personality he has. I feel like what annoys people about me sometimes is what I like about him...multiplied by five.

I also want to learn to fire a gun as well as own one.


"The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."

First college came in this week. University of Miami. I am now reminded of how stressful this season's going to get at work.
I think a lot is going to change this fall, big changes and for the better.


   my alarm is set for 6am because tomorrow is the first day back to work since the 30th. eh, after the time off, i do need to go back so i can attempt to pile the lost money up because who knows when cassie will get back to me. but i'm really not excited about walking into mcgrath studios tomorrow morning. can't my break from it all be a little longer? can't money grow on trees or become useless to the world? because i find it lame that most things are dependent or centered around money.
   speaking of money loss. because i had to lend cassie money it meant canceling my trip to the beach this coming weekend and canceling my trip to montreal for next month. i'm really disappointed with it all, i was really looking forward to both trips. montreal with joe would be a whole crazy experience and a weekend at the beach, love it. money, money, money, money. i need another job or two.

   yay phelps for 8 gold medals as of right now. yay america. we da' best. whooo? weeee nigga'! 
   now i need to try to sleep. or at least use this time to clean my room and watch big brother on demand because i found out tonight the entire season is very nicely placed there. yes! i am excited for that, now only if we could gets sho time so i could watch all of the weeds episodes that i've missed thus far.