just kate (kateywaslike) wrote,
just kate

It's been a long time since I've posted. Lately I feel like I am losing control over my life even though so much of it has been going in the right direction forward. The problem is my weight and my eating as its been out of control, I want to be healthy and I want to be confident and I want to look good and feel good and I don't know how to get there.

Last night my "boyfriend" as in the man who claims to love me, we had a huge fight. He said awful directly dirty things about me physically, not just my weight but Things I have no control over. He said I was less than a person than he was and being with me was him constantly settling for less than he deserves. Honestly, I can't decide if he feels that way in his soul or if he is projecting his insecurity. But I felt like I lost control and I self-harmed for the first time in almost 8 years. Light superficial cuts. But I don't know how to really keep myself from having these deep urges to cut myself. I've been thinking about them for months and months.

Is my relationship really as unhealthy as I feel like it is.

  • (no subject)

    I guess I feel as I always have when I am feeling as pensive as I have been these last few weeks. With how crazy everything was on the 4th and then…

  • (no subject)

    I sit here listening to music, staring out the window at the grey sky and I don't know how I got here. Was it a gradual happening or sudden? I can…

  • (no subject)

    after reading through posts from the last three years i am sick. ill. my stomach has turned.

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